Wednesday, January 25, 2012

how to understand your spaniard 101; or, shit my husband says

Today's soundtrack:
"Repatriated" by Handsome Furs
"End of the Days of Coal" by Christopher Arruda
"Requin Tigre" by Galaxie
"Are You Gonna Waste My Time" by Zeus

It's rather common for people to create their own patois, a set of phrases or words that make little sense to those outside.  Within couples, I think it's even more common.  And within couple in which two different languages are routinely used, a mish-mashed patois becomes the lingua franca.  Occasionally.. or perhaps more than just occasionally.. this patois slips out of the house, much to confusion of our friends and family.  Today, after years of study, I'm ready to publish my guide to understanding my particular Spaniard (NB: this guide is not comprehensive and may not apply to your individual Spaniard).


Innocent Gun = Innis and Gunn, a popular Scottish beer.  Although, you have to admit, Innocent Gun is a bit more evocative.

Flies' Water = Flyswatter, which is all fun and games until a giant moth attacks your wife and you grab the nearest spray bottle rather than the large, swatty thing hanging in the kitchen.

Warranty = Guarantee.  Admittedly, the nuanced difference between these two can be tricky, which is why when the Spaniard promises to have something finished, he "warrantees it".

EXTERMINATE! = "I had one too many Goldspurs"

Esugar hunt? = "Need chocolate, stat."

Got any to add, gentle readers?

I've invited the Spaniard to retort with the various Kateisms that have developed over the past few years.  My rather lazy approach to learning Spanish has given rise to phrases like "listamos" and calling Miguel "hippocratic" (as in the oath) during an argument.  I also cannot keep "cruzamos" and "crucemos" straight in my head, although this is not without some irony.

Also, if anyone has any idea what "dagully" might refer to, I'd love to know.

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